The podcast that was originally supposed to be today's episode is being pushed back. And instead, today's episode is more of a prayerful declaration.

The past few days have been filled with news reports about an 18-year-old entering an elementary school and killing 19 children and 2 teachers. Voices are many on social media asking questions and offering solutions. And it can all feel so heavy and hopeless.

Even after seeing the images and reading the reports, I found myself disconnecting from it all…

Yes, my eyes are seeing the images and faces of the children and teachers lost yet I was guarding my heart from taking it in.

I don’t want to look closely into the eyes of a child in an image knowing there’s a mom and a dad and sister grandparent that will never embrace that sweet soul again on this side of heaven.

Maybe I don’t want to open up and feel it because it's a familiar feeling.

Death and loss isn’t a comparison game.

It’s all gutwrenching and painful.

And as much as don’t want to feel it 

I choose to grieve with those who are grieving.

Let’s be people that live fully alive.

Full of the power and presence of God

Even when things don’t make sense.

He can handle all of our emotions.

The sorrow and the joy.

Today we are weeping with those who weep.

And trusting in the God who holds us all.

I talk about living intentionally a lot on this podcast.

And part of that is being brave enough to live fully in every moment. The ones full of life as well as the ones full of death.

And trusting and knowing that our creator, God, is right there in the middle of those moments.

Here's something I wrote and shared on social about trusting in the goodness of God even in moments we are struggling to see it:

I believe you are good even when I struggle to see your goodness

I believe you are love when all I see is hate

I believe your heart is broken when evil appears to win

I believe you have the final say and how this all ends

I believe you are near even whenever I don’t recognize your presence

I believe your peace is neverending and available in my every moment

I believe you are for me even when it seems many are against me

I believe you are my strength and my shield 

The lifter of my head

My source of life and hope

May I choose forgiveness and love for those who hurt me and those I love

Even when I don’t understand 

I trust you.

I trust that you are good 

Even when

I struggle to see your goodness.