S7 E4: Community + Connection with God + Others

We are wired and created for connection.

The most foundational and needed connection is with the one that created us.

It’s those sacred moments that I remember who I am…

I remember who I am when I’m with you…

• Eve looking to something else to fill her longing or being influenced by someone else planting a seed of what they need, desire

You can be lonely in a house full of people

False gods

It’s not the structure or event that creates community and intimacy. We all know you can feel alone in a room full of people.

We are talking about community today and I’m hoping that by the end of this episode you will feel excited about what community can look like for you!

I feel like in the past year or so there have been many books and speakers talking about community…and I can see that a lot of that has to do with how the pandemic shifted everyday life and activities for all of us.

As I have been working on the She is in Christ section of the awakening study coming out this idea of community and connection with Christ got my attention once again.

We are wired and created for connection.

We come into this world belonging

Because we were formed by our creator and belonged before we were ever seen by human eyes.

Sometimes the eyes that are on us or the eyes we long to see on us, cause us to struggle with connection and belonging.

But even in the midst of any struggle I believe in community and connection and think it is so very important for each of us. 

And The most foundational and needed connection is with the one that created us.

And It’s in those sacred moments of connection with my creator that I remember who I am…

So this conversation I want us to have around community and connection in this episode is really more a question that I want us to think about…

I don’t think there's a question on if we need connection with others. What I want us to look at, is what does community look like for you in your life?

Community can look different for each of us.

And I believe there are many things to take into consideration when thinking about how it might look in your life.

Your season of life, your unique personality, and desires…

I don’t remember the name of the study but there was a study done years ago that showed a big circle and how many close relationships a person can really have in their life. Each ring in the circle added people in the circle. And for someone that has a larger family, it’s easy to see especially as my children have become adults and starting their own families my initial people rings are pretty full.  Obviously, we can have different levels of friendships but if we’re honest we can only invest and show up fully for a certain amount of people in our lives. This doesn’t mean we can’t have many meaningful relationships in our lives we just have to be realistic in our expectations and capacity.

And a lot of times in life the message we are getting is “the bigger the better,” and “the more the merrier”, but at some point, there’s a cap on our capacity.

Along with our capacity for close relationships, another important aspect to consider is each of our different personalities.

This leads me to make a disclaimer…

I don’t know how many of you listen to nutritional or medical podcasts or videos but they always have to say this is not medical advice but my personal opinions and experiences haha…..DISCLAIMER

The personal things I am sharing are from my perspective and point of view. They aren’t to tell you how you need to be feeling and thinking but to invite you into exploring and thinking about it from who you are.

So think about the capacity in your life and ask yourself if feel you are lacking in community and connection with others

And your answer quickly might be yes…that you feel lonely and isolated

And you long for more connection with others in your life

So if that’s you I want to encourage you to look for ways you can develop more connections with others in your life

And those connections might be with people that are already around you and you just need to go deeper in developing these relationships.

Stop and evaluate where you actually feel like you are lacking relationally in your life. Because I’ve noticed in my own life that I get different things from my close friends.

I think we have so many dimensions to who we are and to put that on one friendship or relationship is probably a little much.

I think that’s why a lot of marriages struggle. I grew up in the era that quotes the  movie line “you complete me” so there’s that unrealistic expectation to deal with. lol

No one person can fulfill all our needs and be everything we need or want from someone except GOD

As believers, our foundational point of connection should be with God.

And anytime I make that kind of statement I feel like it sounds so basic and like such a simplistic idea and thought that we don’t even really hear and process it.

I get that! If you have been raised in Church or been around Christianity most of your life you can hear that and be like, duh?!? And be like, I got it!

But most truths are simplistic. And as believers our core identity and connection to our life source are foundational.

The essence of who we are flows out of this connection.

So we have to start there because when that is out of alignment. When that foundation is not firm and secure and I’m not meaning on God’s end but in our heart and mind we are going to struggle.

Let’s look at it through the lens of another relationship…

You wouldn’t say that someone is your best friend if you never talk to them.

If you don’t have that closeness and nearness to God then you are missing out on the foundational community that was intended from the beginning.

I believe it was in the last episode that I talked about God creating man and woman and spending time with them in the garden.

And I just love that picture and think it is so beautiful of God’s intention for a relationship with us from the beginning.

He didn’t create us to be his robots. That’s why he designed us with free will. 

He loves us and designed and created us to be in a relationship with him.

And I think in our humanity it’s easy for us to miss that and live with this distance between us that he never intended.

We see this from the beginning and then again when Jesus is leaving this earth and tells his followers that it is for their benefit that he goes and is sending the Holy Spirit. 

So it’s obvious that God’s intention has always been and continues to be an ongoing ever-present relationship.

So for me when I think about community I think about this foundational tier of my relationship and connection with God and every other relationship comes after that

And I can see at different times in my life that community with others was my foundational tier. And let me say I was a christ follower. And the people in my community were as well.  And I think that’s where it gets tricky.

And hard for us to notice things being out of order when on the surface it’s a good thing right?

And it’s interesting because for me personally that tier of community with others has shifted for me these past few years and looks totally different in many ways yet I feel that tier is so much richer and deeper than ever before.

And here’s what I’ve realized….my foundation with God is so much richer as my identity in him has grown and matured through the years which has made that second tier become richer and more mature.

And I can see that when I had those tiers flipped at times I was going to the other tier full of whatever the foundational tier was for me.

For example in seasons where my connection and community with others was the foundational tier in my life rather than the community of God and Jesus and Holy Spirit. I showed up in community differently and received from people in a different way.

And again to be clear. God was in my community with others. And there was life and goodness there. The difference was in me and how I was showing up to receive and give to others.

And I know life has seasons and there are times when community will look different in our lives. There are times when we need more encouragement to make it through our days. 

My desire in this episode is to challenge us to make sure we aren’t looking to someone else over the one that knows us best.

I can remember many times feeling convicted when something would happen and my first instinct would be to pick up the phone and it was like I could hear the Holy Spirit saying WHY?!? 

Why is that your first instinct?

Do they have your answer?

I think we long for someone in this earthly realm to comfort us and speak truth to us and this absolutely happens. But we will still feel lack when our hope and trust in those we can only see with our physical eyes.

What a blessing to have access at any time to the holy spirits truth and comfort in our life. 

Community is beautiful and we need it.

And connection with those around us can come in so many ways.  I love being home in my space and I also love to spend time out and about in my city. I love being in a coffee shop all by myself… reading, writing, watching life around me and being open to interacting with anyone in my path.

Let me be clear, I say I’m open and I’m definitely one to be smiling and making eye contact with people but I’m not just striking up small talk with people within a few feet of me.

Here’s an example of an unexpected, random connection….

A few months ago I was stopping by Target to grab a couple of things and as I entered the building I decided to keep going straight and just browse and check out any new arrivals in the women's clothing section. I wasn’t planning on purchasing anything but was interested to see what was new for the season. So I’m pushing my cart in between the clothing racks and stopping to look at something and I hear someone say “I got that outfit and it is so comfortable” I turn around and see a woman several years older than me and I respond and then continue with my browsing…

I noticed she was still engaging with me…so I continued to talk back and forth with her and then was proceeding to leave the area until I heard her from the other side of a rack ask me for help…

As I walked about the rack I see that she has slipped a shirt or dress over her clothing to try on and look in a mirror and needed some help removing it.

As I’m helping her she explains that she recently had surgery and can’t lift her arms all the way up and we continue to talk as she discusses her clothing purchases with me.

The time and conversation weren’t something I was expecting that day as I stopped by the store to grab a few things.  But I remember as I pushed my cart away from that area that day I was surprised at how connected I felt to her and our brief time together. Actually, the surprise was probably more about the time I spent discussing clothing options with her because I’m a lone shopper kind of person.  lol

So the connection part wasn’t a surprise for me because I experience this all time with people as I’m out and about. And it’s not always a conversation in a clothing section of a store…sometimes it’s just a smile and eye contact with an overwhelmed mom trying to hold on to all of her children in the store reassuring her that she will survive and I see her.

Sometimes it’s just verbalizing a thank you for a job someone is doing or making eye contact and being open to an exchange whatever that might look like.

We all need connection with those around us and it just might not be how you would expect or plan.

And community doesn’t equate to being around people. You can be in a crowded room or a house full of people and still feel alone.

And I want you to have the connection and community you feel you need in your life. Because it’s what you actually desire and need and not because you think you do because of how it looks for someone else.

Some of you listening feel perfectly content until you see or hear someone talk about their friendship community that looks different than your’s and all of a sudden you feel like you're lacking something.

I can remember seasons when my kids were younger hearing people talk about prioritizing a date night with your spouse.  And my husband Ron and I would plan something and by the time we had found a babysitter, prepared the house and kids for the sitter with instructions and whatever was needed, and figured out where we wanted to go and what we wanted to do… but maybe it was just us, but it wasn’t a time of any meaningful connection. 

And that’s the point, isn’t it? A time for us to connect. And we found that in other ways naturally sprinkled throughout our days, being intentional about having conversations about books we each were reading and sharing about what we were learning. Having conversations about where we were struggling and needing some extra support. Intentional time to listen and see each other and connect. 

So through the years, I had to set aside feeling like we weren’t doing something right in our marriage because we didn’t have a weekly date night. And Ron I will have been married for 35 years this December and he’s still the first person I want to share something with and spend time with. So I think our relationship has survived not having a scheduled date night. lol

I use that example not because I think date night isn’t a positive thing. I mention it because it’s an example in my own life of me trying to put something into practice because it was working well for someone else and it  just didn’t work for me.  I know many who love this weekly scheduled time with their spouse and it works well. The point is in whatever area or relationship, if the point is connection then that outcome should be the focus and not the particular way that happens.

It’s the enemy’s oldest trick… Eve was content and fine with all that God had provided until she entertained the lie that she was missing something and could have something more than all that God already was to her.

So don’t live your life compared to what you see around you in real life or on social media. You will never find fulfillment heading down that path. 

So I invite you today to pray and ask God to help you see clearly the relationships in your life. Are there relationships that need to go deeper? Are there relationships that have run their course?

And most importantly are you looking to hear God’s voice over the voice of others?

God loves you more than you can even imagine and he desires for you to feel loved and known and cherished. Some of us have never experienced those things from God because we’ve never looked to him for that.

We tend to look to others for our worth and to feel loved.

We need each other and God desires for us to be in life-giving relationships but never forget true life can only come from one source.

Don’t miss out on all the never-ending love he has for you!

And the beautiful thing is when you are filled up with his perfect love it will naturally flow out of you to others.

I love Jesus’ response found in Matthew 22 when the religious scholar asked him which commandment in the law was the greatest.

37Jesus answered him, “ ‘Love  the Lord your God with every passion of your heart, with all the energy of your being, and with every thought that is within you.’  38This is the great and supreme commandment. 39And the second is like it in importance: ‘You must love your friend  in the same way you love yourself.’ 

That’s it, guys!  Love God with all that we are and allow that love to spill over to all those around us.

Connection with God and others is a beautiful way to live

Hope this was helpful to you in thinking about what connection and community can look for you in your life.

Love you guys!

Talk soon!