If you’ve listened to the episodes at the start of this year then you know my desire was to live through January sloooow. Meaning no crazy goals set, instead intentionally listening to deep nudges and desires and processing and more listening to that still small voice. 

So it’s interesting because at the time of this recording, it’s the last few days of January and I’m sensing some clarity in particular areas and feeling the urge to pick up the pace.

One of the things I have felt challenged and convicted of and I think I mentioned something about it in an episode towards the end of the year. But I have felt convicted of holding back on some things I want to give voice to.  That people-pleasing thing can still rear its head but it’s not winning the battle most days now so that’s maybe one of my biggest intentions this year that will no doubt affect everything I put my hand to.

And another question that has popped up for me this last month or so that has become a top intention in moving forward this year is a what-if question…

What if I stopped doing things I’ve always done? More specifically 

 what if I stopped doing things I’ve always done the way I’ve done them?!

There are some paths I’ve felt called to walk in the past several years, yet I know I’m not stepping into some of these things fully and I know for me to do that will require me to change the way I operate and do some things.

As I’m saying both of those intentions to you I can see some connection in them…

I guess the bottom line is I’m choosing to show up authentically in my life in a way that I believe makes my Creator smile and that just might look different than previous ways I’ve shown up.

Some of you might be thinking I thought you always show up as yourself Susan?! And I would have to say yes and no…I think each of us would have to honestly say that it’s nearly impossible to do 100 percent of the time...

And I can only speak for myself, but I feel like I am showing up authentically and I feel the growing pains, and then it feels comfortable, and then I notice I’m feeling uncomfortable again but for different reasons… life is always moving us forward…learning, growing, surrendering.

So many layers…. This is what I want us to look at today…

We look at something or someone

An object, a painting, or a person

 what we can visibly see with our eyes or through our perception and perspective is what we would say is the reality of what we are seeing

I know artists have different techniques in painting a piece but a technique that I’ve been drawn to personally  in my art practice as well as in other artists…is that of layers

I can remember years ago watching a particular artist work and loving the beauty of what I was seeing them create and then being shocked as I watched them continue to work and basically begin to cover up what I had loved...

I’ll admit I would often think they had just ruined the piece as they continued to work….and often times the artist had gone back and done a voice over and they admit they thought maybe they had messed up in going in a different direction….

But because of experience, they knew they had to trust the process and keep going…

Time after time I would hear them say don’t treat something you’ve done as precious meaning don’t be afraid to completely change directions and start over because they had realized in reality you aren’t starting over…

You are continuing … you are moving forward.

If you’ve seen my artwork you know I love

Layers + texture 

Previously… I would look at a piece and love it not even aware of all the layers and texture underneath what I initially was actually seeing

Some of these layers are visible to the eye

Some are not  and until I actually started going deeper into my work of layering I didn’t realize what I had actually seen in others' work

I had just been taking in an artist’s piece as a whole …not realizing all the underneath goodness that was bringing through color and texture 

< some of the things that brought the piece to life for me and drew me in were several layers deep that was peeking through and  inviting me to look and see deeper 

I’ve mentioned how connected this art process is to our lives…

It’s so much the same…

Especially this idea of layers

We look at someone and how they look and how we perceive them to be by their personality or how they move through life….

Not taking in the reality that we aren’t seeing all of the layers of their life

There a statement or thought I’ve heard many people use of “I have no regrets” after a relationship or whatever goes bad and 

Felt a little pushback…

I can see where I have regrets about some things… 

But I can now relate to this statement 

For sure I can see where I would have preferred making other choices but I can also see that without those choices and outcomes, I wouldn’t have chosen for myself…

I wouldn’t be who I am in this very moment.

Who I am today

How my relationships are today

How I think and process life today

All the layers of life I have lived through have made me exactly who I am today.

What you see in me today is

56 years of layers woven together

This past week I spent some time at my Dads in Tennessee. One afternoon I looked over at my mom’s piano that sits in the living room and wondered how often it gets played anymore. I remembered moments when I saw her sitting at that piano playing and singing. And I decided to pull out the bench and run my fingers across the keys.

As I did that I found myself playing a little song I had made up one-day several years ago.  Even though it’s imperfection I have to admit I was once again surprised that my fingers and mind remembered the notes even when I didn’t.

I laughed and thought Mom would be proud. She always encouraged me to go further in piano and I never pushed myself.

It could seem like all the years of lessons and practice could seem like a waste…

But I’m reminded today it’s not.

It’s a layer woven into the fabric of who I am.

You might be listening today and some of your layers might feel painful. I get it. I’ve got some of those layers too. But here’s what I want to remind you of today.  Our God has a way of taking all of the layers and experiences of our lives and wrapping them up in his goodness and grace and somehow in all of his kindness and mercy towards us, he mixes them all up for our good.

It’s not something we can understand and even comprehend…but it’s something we can fully place our trust and hope in.

Let’s choose to move through this year differently. Let’s choose to show up in the image of our creator choosing to please him above the opinions of man or even his ways that we don’t always understand.

That’s going to take courage friend.

And I’ll be here cheering you on!

What if…

You stopped doing things you’ve always done?

Remembered what actually does bring you joy

Showed up in the world in a way that makes the one that made you smile