S8 E9: Welcome Autumn

What does it mean to welcome something… somebody??

I know for me personally it’s about that extra effort to show I’m excited they’re here and welcome. So that extra effort could be getting up and extending a hug or it could have prepared a favorite food or drink. Just something that shows some thought behind the welcome.

So how do you welcome a new season?

Well I can only speak for myself haha but I decided to welcome this season of Autumn or Fall as it is commonly called…with an act representing “letting things fall away” 

And if you follow me on social media then you might have seen a video clip showing my recent hair adventure.

I have been talking about cutting it off for a while and decided as a gesture of welcoming and walking into this new season that it was a good time to pull those scissors out of the drawer. Ha!

I shared a little in the post on Instagram post, but you only have so many words you can post and share so figured I could share the longer version here on the podcast.

It’s been several years ago, but I had been having trouble with gallbladder issues and because the attacks were becoming so frequent and pretty constant they finally led me to the decision to have it removed. I had already started trying to improve things with dietary changes and knowing what I know now I would have found a way to deal with the pain until I had longer to help some things naturally. But I wasn’t sure what was actually helping or hurting me at that point and so many friends and family had had their gallbladder removed and told me of their experiences which involved pretty quickly being back to normal…like a couple of days and back to normal!! So because of the severity of the pain I had my gallbladder removed. In the ultrasounds taken at the hospital before the removal, they saw something with my pancreas that they wanted to explore further. Yay ;(

So I had my gallbladder out one day and the next day had to put out again for them to check out my pancreas. I will admit I was pretty scared this time. The first time was the first time so I didn’t know what to expect but the second time I knew and I was starting to feel pretty anxious about it.

When they took me in the room I don’t know if the main doctor could tell or if it’s just who he was that he responded as he did. But he literally bent over and prayed a prayer for me and told me everything was going to be okay. Shout out to St Vincent Downtown Jax. 

They did find that I have a congenital defect in the pancreas. Something that occurs when two parts of an embryo's pancreas do not fuse together forming one main pancreatic duct ..thus my fun journey of food digestion issues. I joke but as much as I have struggled I know I wouldn’t have probably researched and learned as much about food and nutrition if I hadn’t had to.

I came home from the hospital after a couple of days. And my life changed in so many ways. For starters, I did not experience a few days and back to normal. As a matter of fact, I felt worse with each passing day. I asked doctors and researched on my own and there were several possibilities of what could be causing the different symptoms I was experiencing.  It was then I learned about Autoimmune issues which led me down a whole other road.

A road I am still on yet have seen tremendous healing in many areas.

During this time one of the major symptoms was hair loss. I tried extensions and at one point of frustration, I actually shaved off all my hair which led me to wear a wig as it grew out.  I found something very similar to my hairstyle so most people didn’t even know.  I was still figuring out what my body needed to heal and get stronger and as I was figuring that out I realized my hair was growing and coming in stronger than before.

I didn’t intentionally think I wanted to grow it out long again as I had had a shortcut for a while that I loved but because it was growing so well I just kept letting it.

So fast forward to this year, actually I was tempted to cut it last year too.  But this year it has really been something I wanted to do and I started people that after the summer I was going to cut it.  And I realized I had been putting it off for so long because I was scared. This was surprising to me because I’ve always been the person to cut my hair at the drop of a hat. I would have people say something like it and was always like it can grow back. I’ve had long and short hair and everything in between my whole life and love it all.  Thankfully I married someone that does too!

But I realized I was scared of not having that option …what if I cut it and it doesn’t grow back? Because I still have flare-ups from time to time.

But I refuse to live my life based on fear.  And I know I’m talking about hair here but it goes further than that.  

Scripture if clear that fear does not come from God and I don’t want to allow fear in my life on any level. And to be honest, that has been an area I have to fight for these days. I wasn’t afraid of too much growing up and it hasn’t been until the last few years of car wrecks, sickness, death, and unexpected life changes that fear has tried to convince me it has a room… 

In my heart and in my head.

That battle has already been won for me so I will forever be taking my stand on that.

So one of the things I thought of when thinking about walking through the season of Autumn was continuing to allow things to fall away in my life to make way and prepare for future growth. Cutting my hair was a physical representation of that. 

I’ve never been scared of change and I don’t plan on starting now.

So I pulled out the scissors and started cutting. And with each inch, I felt lighter. It’s uneven in places and still needs some work but honestly I kind of like the imperfectness and unevenness of it.  I’m sure I’ll continue to tweak it as the days go by…just like I will continue to do in my life.

Embracing change I will choose to make choices that will require different levels of courage. Knowing I will have to live with those choices for a while as they reveal if they will remain long-term or not.

And I’m learning that I will survive. Even if I have to live out some awkward looking ‘Unevenness” of life at times. I’m willing to do that for the new future growth that change gives opportunity for.

Here’s a question I want you to think about at the start of the season…

What is it that you really want but fear of change is holding you back?

(and it doesn’t have to include scissors ;)

Thank you Autumn for reminding us that change is exciting and beautiful and needed for future growth.